Question by iloveehim(:: the ending to my poem is really rocky. can anyone help me fix it?
Suicide Circus.

You’ve said no before
I can’t cry anymore
Tonight will be the last time.

Tonight’s different, you see
It’s a circus, starring me
A circus like never before.

This circus is different, I’ll have you know
There’s no cotton candy, no games and galore
Instead it’s filled with horrible things
Like pain pills and nightmares and gut wrenching gore.

Tonight, the ringmaster is your mind
When your mind is insane, then who else do we find?
The devil to lead, announce every goal
He’ll whisper and linger till your blood runs cold.

I’ll start out the show
With a little hello
From Dylan your dog? I don’t think so.

So close the tent curtains and lock your door
So Dylan can’t see
So no one will know.

Now, the real show’s about to begin!
I won’t let you scream
I wont let you win.

All the people are waiting; they’re hushed in their seats
Spitting memories of him
Like sunflower seeds.

Act one-
Now the show’s officially begun
Starring you and the razor,
The razor can’t run.

The razor screams as it runs down your wrist
This act is a game; it’s fun with a twist
It’s like tight rope walking, do you get the gist?
You stay on the blue lines that cannot be missed.

What happens when you slip on the blue line?
It’s okay,
Then there’s no limit, nothing to define

This way works best
You can carve in his name
And put it to the test.

He’s the reason you joined this circus, correct?
He thought that you were just a defect
It didn’t hurt writing his name with a blade
So we’ll simply try a different effect.

Here comes act two,
It related to you
Swallowing pills
That make you cuckoo.

You’re a flame eater, that’s why you’re admired
To forget the pain
And swallow the fire

You’re eating the flames
Could it get any hotter?
Don’t cry to me
There is no water

Once you swallow a pill
There’s no getting it back
So drink up,

Choke on your tears.
You got what you wanted
Now you have to say cheers.

So swallow the blood
That’s in Act three
Prepare to be amazed
At what you will see.

The last act is truly quite fun
They pull out the cannon,
You load up the gun.

The people are screaming, jumping around
In the depths of your room
There’s none to be found.

There’s a drum roll, it’s a knock at the door
He breaks it wide open
And sees what’s before him.

“Please stop!” he yells, he’s making a pledge
“I want you back!” you hold on to the edge
Don’t listen to him; he’ll ruin it all
You’re supposed to be the human cannon ball!

You cock the gun, you hold it tight
There is no point of being nice
You spit out the words, harsh and cruel
You look him in the eye and scream “I HATE YOU!”

The trigger is pulled
The cannon goes BOOM!
Your blood seeps out the stories untold.

He stands there in shock.
A bullet for him?
I think not.

Were there tickets for tonight
So he could know?
The devil’s game means
He gets his own show.

He may not have listened
The chances were slim
But he had no idea
That you hated him.

Now, wasn’t that fun
Like the circus Ole?
The best part was the finale, I’d say.

Can’t wait for tomorrow
It’s his county fair
Hosted by me, the devil
He’s gonna be there.

im sorry its so long. suggestions? help? if you have ANYTHING to say about it, please do so. i want to hear:)

Best answer:

Answer by niceguy
i love long poems lol its great! i love how you kept the circus theme and actualy the ending isnt bad the ending is kinda morbid but so is a lot of the poem i like morbid poems. you ryme alot thats good some ppl dont like that i ryme alot to. i think its very good but maybe even a shock at the end would be good to? its bloody and has feeling i like it lol thanks for answering my question to oh yeah and your poem was funny too : )

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